Why I’m Singing “thank u, next” to 2018

#bestnine2018

Ariana Grande recently came out with an absolute BOP all about letting go of past relationships, learning from them, and focusing on loving and putting yourself first. And to that I say, “good timing”! Like many others, while I was super glad to see the end of 2018, I couldn’t help but feel a little introspective and reflect on the last 12 months. My conclusion? 2018 is probably one of the most whirlwind relationships I’ve ever had.

It taught me love…

Early 2018 saw me embarking on the journey towards adopting my first pet. I had been toying with the idea for years but wanted to be comfortable enough financially to really go for it. Now, anyone who knows me knows I still strongly identify as “broke as a joke” but I was fresh off the heels of probably the biggest heartbreak of my life and had an idea that a raise was just around the corner, so I went for it. A three pound, rescue Chihuahua from Texas, Diamond is unequivocally THE love of my life. Seriously, I can’t go more than two hours away from her without feeling my heart ache. She’s taught me a lot about my capacity to love and has even helped me understand my mother in ways I probably never would have before. For context, I don’t plan on having kids. There have been days where I didn’t have enough to feed her the way I wanted to and days where I was too sick to get out of bed to walk her. But every sacrifice I’ve made to make sure she’s healthy and fed have made me look back on my own difficult childhood with a single mom in a whole new light. I grew up poor but now, when I look back and remember nights eating steak and mashed potatoes or mornings eating name brand breakfast while my mom simply sat and watched, I understand: when you love someone or something, you’d do and give up anything to make sure they’re OK.

Around the same time, another special someone(s) came into my life. Due to the constant pivoting at work, I found myself hanging out with people outside of my department. There, I found a special kinship with a group of (mainly) developers that I now consider my best friends. Just like that, out of the blue and after seven or so years of living in a city that, at times, can best be described as “cold”, I had a circle of friends. By the time spring rolled around, we were out every Friday and coming up with new and interesting experiences to have together.

Then, I turned 28. And everything sort of… clicked. I realized how much I had to be thankful for. That despite the many hardships (often times one after the other), underneath it all, I was happy and flourishing for the first time in my life. Now, when I look back on 2018, I only remember the happy times. Funny how that works, eh?

It taught me patience…

Towards the end of 2017, I realized how important it was for me to give back to my community. However, much like the ubiquitous free internship, volunteering was never something I thought I’d be able to incorporate into my life. I mean, I was (and still am) barely surviving cheque to cheque - how could I afford to work for free and still keep a modicum of a work/life balance? But as I got older, I realized that if the cause was something I really cared about (i.e. advocating for diversity, inclusion, and belonging in tech), I’d gladly find the time to volunteer my skills. My first go at it wasn’t as successful as I wanted for a myriad of reasons but I worked through it and didn’t let that distract me from the bigger picture: the tech industry needs voices like mine in order to really see change down the line. After a much needed break, I got back on the saddle. Last year, I began volunteering for an organization that I truly love and that makes me feel valued. I can’t wait to see how we shake up the tech ecosystem in the coming months!

Another area in my life that taught me that good things come to those who wait was, of course, my professional life. More specifically, when it comes to compensation. I learned to be patient enough to wait for the right time (working at a startup that isn’t always in the best place financially and is prone to “budget freezes” does that) but I also learned to be confident enough to speak up when the time was right.  With no experience whatsoever, but the knowledge that I absolutely deserved a raise, I put together my arguments and asked for one. Like many other things in life, it was something I learned out of necessity, instinct, and a little bit of Google but it paid off in a big way. I was able to secure a 20% raise and finally started to feel like I was shaping the type of career for myself that I’d always wanted.

And it taught me pain…

For all of its good moments, there’s no denying that 2018 was rife with obstacles and emotional hardships. I was diagnosed with an incurable (but very treatable) illness and that shattered my sense of self for a while. Shortly after, I broke up with the first person I’d ever been in a non-problematic, long-term relationship with. I wasn’t myself for the longest time, although having a new dog did help me cope and heal much faster than I perhaps would have otherwise. Then, in the summer, I found out my grandmother was dying and the emotional turmoil that came with that was a lot to deal with on top of what I soon began to realize was the feeling of burn out at work. We had been pivoting so much and I'd finally begun to reach my breaking point. My therapist once told me that a mark of being an adult is being able to compartmentalize - parts of your life, as well as your feelings. Unfortunately, towards the end of the year I began to feel the lines of those compartments blur. Everything just… hurt. Going to work. Thinking about my grandma. Thinking about my diagnosis. Everything. But I soldiered on and somehow got through…

...Only to be laid off.

Now, [I’ll be] so amazing!

Luckily, as I mentioned in a previous post, the weekend before being laid off, I participated in a bootcamp that gave me a new lease on life. For the first time, I was breathing easy, knowing that I had a whole set of skills I could tap into should the very worst happen (and it did!). I developed a new passion for public speaking and, in the process, built an incredible network of friends and peers that I know would love nothing more than to see me succeed. Around the same time, a dear friend of mine also put me on to a Buzzfeed casting call and I thought, “why not?” and auditioned. I got the gig and suddenly a whole new facet of possibilities opened up for me. For the first time, I realized that I didn’t need to be confined to a “regular” job. All of a sudden, I could see a future as a CMO, an Entrepreneur, an Influencer, or even a TV or Online personality - the possibilities were endless. And for a young(ish), black girl, that grew up poor and steeped in adversity - this was a new (but very welcome) feeling for me.

Right after the layoffs, I took all my pent-up frustration and used it to revamp my personal brand, starting with this very website. I created an all new resume and designed some business cards, too.

Next, I got a volunteer gig helping out an amazing Influencer, Speaker, and Life Coach and am learning so much while I wait for my next job opportunity (if you've got any leads on a full time Content Marketing Manager role downtown, holla!).

It certainly gets tough at times - after all, time (and, more alarmingly, money) is running out for me to find a job. But for the first time in my life, I can’t wait to see what’s coming up on the horizon.

I’m so fucking grateful for 2018.

-D.